Naraku's Story
by Kusaki Hayashi
Summary: POV ONESHOTEveryone knows the story of the three little pigs. Or at least they should anyway...Well my story is a little like their story, although different...This is the real story...my story. The story of Naraku before he became NARAKU. R&R NO FL


Yo! K-Hayashi here with another funny story fer ya. It's o.k if this one isn't as funny as my other ones to some of you, but I would appreciate it if nobody flamed me. It'll save you the trouble of having me pissed at you. Clear? Awright. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: … … … --zzz

Naraku's Story 

Everyone knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. At least, they should, anyway. My story is a little like their story, although different. If the "huff-and-puff-and-blow-yer-house-down" thing comes to mind, then yer thinkin' of the wrong story. That's not how it goes at all! This is the real story—_MY_ story.

My name is Naraku. Now usually, people would hear my name and say, "Eww, it's Naraku! YUCK!" but I'm not an evil person. They just reject the unnatural. They don't like the way I absorb and assimilate things, but that's how I live! I can't just eat three chilidogs and a side of chili cheese fries and a diet Coke the way everybody else can. I'm _special_. If you had to assimilate your food, people would think you were a freak, too!

But like I was saying, this whole "big-bad-demon-Naraku-is-a-comin'-ta-kill-us" thing is all wrong. The _real _story is about a really bad cold and a cup 'o sugar. This is how it all got started:

Way back in 'Once Upon A Time' time, I was making a birthday cake for my dear ol' granny. Unfortunately, I had a really bad cold…and I was out of sugar. So, I walked to my neighbor's place to borrow a cup. Now this neighbor, of course, was a pig. He was a demon pig, but a pig nonetheless.

Have you ever seen a demon pig? Usually I try to avoid them, but in this particular case, I had no choice.

You wanna know stupid? The guy built his house outta straw! I don't know who'd wanna build a house outta straw…well…I guess a demon pig would, huh? Ah well, a pig is a pig. He was a demon pig, but a pig.

Naturally, when I knocked on the door (gently, I might add), the darn thing fell in! I didn't like the idea of waltzing into someone else's house, so I called, "Little pig, little pig, are you in?"

When I got no answer, I turned to leave. Just then, I felt a sneeze coming on.

So I huffed…

And I snuffed…

**AND I SNEEZED A GREAT BIG SNEEZE!**

Can you guess what happened next? The whole gosh darn house fell down…with the demon pig in the middle. He was home the whole time.

It seemed a shame to leave a delectably tasty morsel lying there, so I assimilated it. Plain 'n' simple. I needed the nourishment anyway. Think of it as a chilidog just lying there.

I was feeling a little better, but I still didn't have a cup of sugar! So, I walked to the next neighbor's house. As I walked, I was reminded of my friend Kouga's ancestor and how he was framed into killing some old pigs. Now I knew how he felt.

This next pig was the first pig's brother. He must've been a little smarter…by about three percent. His house was made outta sticks. I rang the doorbell. No one answered. I called, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?"

He yelled back, "Go away, freak! You can't come in! I'm shavin' he hairs on my chinny chin chin!"

I had just grabbed the doorknob…when I felt another sneeze coming.

So I huffed…

And I snuffed…

**AND I SNEEZED ANOTHER GREAT BIG SNEEZE!**

Just like his brother's, his house fell down…with him in the middle of the rubble. As everyone knows, food will spoil if you leave it out I the open, so I did the only thing I could do…besides giving it a proper burial. I assimilated it. Think of it as a second helping. By this time I was pretty full, and I _still_ didn't have a cup of sugar! So, I walked to the third neighbor's house. He must've been the brains of the family. His house was made out of…**BRICKS!**

I knocked on the door…well, if you could even call it that. The guy practically built himself inside his house! Nonetheless, I called, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?"

Do you know what he had the nerve to say to me? "GET OUTTA HERE, FREAK! DON'T BOTHER ME AGAIN!"

Talk about just plain rude! I'll bet'cha dollars to doughnuts that he had mounds of sugar in that brick house of his, and he wouldn't give me a cup of it!

I was just about to give up and make a nice birthday card instead, but just then, I felt it. The sneeze.

So I huffed…

And I snuffed…

And I sneezed.

Then that demon pig yelled, "AND YER OL' GRANNY CAN SIT ON A PIN!"

Now, I'm usually a pretty calm fellow, but when you talk about my granny, ooh!

When the cops drove up, I was knocking the bricks off that house as fast as a person can blink 3 times in ten seconds! Yup, I was pissed, not to mention I was sneezin' the mother of all sneezes.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Eventually, they decided a freak case of a demon like me asking for sugar with a cold wasn't very exciting. So they jazzed up the story, put blonde hair on it, and came up with all that "Naraku-is-a-big-bad-assimilating-machine-with-no-mercy" crap. Then they made a TV show of it and cast "me" as the "bad guy".

And check it out. There was this dude on they set, and his name was InuYasha. Man, oh MAN, was he a rude little punk-sucker!" And his brother was just as evil! Anyone of them could have gotten the part of "Naraku", but they gave it to me. Stupid paparazzi.

THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY. I WAS FRAMED.

And that InuYasha…he wouldn't even give me any sugar!

The End

How was that, huh? Now remember, no likey, no review.


End file.
